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13 Signs Your "Relationship Love" Is Nearly Dead



Life is all about relationships and how we engage or disengage within the full scope and spectrum of them. From the moment we are born into this physical world, we are introduced to our first relationship; that is, our first encounter with a real, live, human being. People have call these humans, mom and dad, yet, nowadays, we have casually morphed and have adopted many other names, however, in the end, no matter what humans call themselves in relation to relationships, they are a mere displaying of temporary titles. A title is simply a title; an adoption of some word that feels comfortable depending on who's wearing the title at the time.


Now, before we move on, I'm letting you know straight up that these words were channeled and shared based on my former experiences in my own personal relationships from the past. Today, I am opening myself up to vulnerability for those who find themselves here. Let's just say, I've been through relationship dysfunction on countless levels, and in turn, once robbed myself of remembering my true identity.


My former relationship experiences woke me up to the darkness of dysfunction within me, birthing myself into new awareness's of infinite light for my soul's journey and purpose. So here I AM . . . raw, real, and vulnerable. I pray you are blessed to know, you are not alone on your journey and that no matter what, you are capable of being and receiving so much love, more than you might realize in this moment.



Let me begin by stating, "Your name is a title, yet, it is not who you are." You've been lied to. Your job is a title, yet, it is not who you are. You may even describe your various quirky stages of relationships with titles; like monogamous, married, common law, polyamorous, polygamous, straight, gay, lesbian, bi, among other names, yet, even these scattered array of relationships, are not who you are. Overall, it's such a mixed up mess were are all in, within ourselves, and also, with those we call others. No matter how you identify yourself and your relationship with yourself and others, it is not who you are.


Humanity is acting out of character. We are playing out countless levels of dramatic scenes of forgetfulness, yet, while we are on this physical plane, and within these physical bodies, apparently, our playing out these relationships is part of a complex equation of life.


We tend to fade in and out of various roles depending on what kind of relationship we are in, yet for the purpose of this article, let's focus on the term, "codependent," a term or title that humans give to unhealthy relationships that are out of alignment, harmony, or balance. In other terms we could say that codependency can also be described as when individuals assign someone else the responsibility for their happiness, which is an impossible task for anyone to accomplish for anyone. Codependent," is just another title to describe types of relationships that are in need of repair, yet in this article that you find yourself reading; to repair, is to remember what you have forgotten about your true self, or what we will refer to as your divine self.


Even if you intrinsically know that you are spiritually divine through and through, in this physical reality, a codependent relationship can leave one feeling unfulfilled, frustrated, used, abused, manipulated, and controlled, leaving one's soul spiritually deformed and deflated. In such circumstances one may feel emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually exhausted, yet, even so, many in this cycle continue on a path of denial, ignoring the signs that point away from the richness of their heart and the remembering of their true identity. It's the very definition of spiritual sabotage and bondage.



Perhaps you feel like life has taken you for a ride that promised to be filled with irresistible excitement and fun, yet once strapped in, you found yourself going in a direction that you had no intentions of going, yet, you went anyway. You got on the ride, and stayed, going around and around and around, cycle after cycle, after cycle . . . and NOW . . . you've decided you want off! The question is . . . "How does one stop a ride that someone else seems to have control over and who's in control of the ride of life anyway?"


In a humorous sort of way, life is a riddle that's riddled with complexity, yet, also opportunities to rise up and experience a portion of who we really are in a world that is constantly changing the very definition of what a healthy and balanced relationship is.


Intervention is needed to reclaim those portions of you that you've forgotten, ignored, or abandoned, and you are the only one who has the power to choose to intervene on behalf of yourself and your divine destiny.


Part of finding your way back to you is being able to recognize when the ride isn't what it initially promised to be. Sometimes we get so used to the feel of the ride, we stop noticing the bumps, the wobbles, and the uneasy feelings screaming deep down inside.



So what kind of "relationship ride" are you questioning right now? Below you will find a series of signs that could indicate that the "codependent ride" you've been on is about to expire, depending on your choice to stay on the ride or get off the ride.


Before you begin, take a moment to close your eyes, and connect with a power that you feel comfortable with to request support and direction during this revealing exercise.


For example, you can call in the presence of God, angels, ascended masters, or spiritual guides to lovingly guide and support you. You can ask for the courage to see, the wisdom to know and the vision to change. Ask to be shown the relationship that your heart is currently questioning right now. After doing so, take a deep breath and invite your mind and heart to be open for insights, inspiration, and direction.



Answer the following statements (yes or no) to the best of your emotional ability and spiritual integrity.


1. Codependent Sign - Controlling/Manipulating: You, the other person, or both engaged in the relationship, appear to be bordering along the lines of obsession about what the other person is doing. Daily questions, pressuring, prodding, nagging, and complaining feel like a criminal interrogation. It feels uncomfortable as your integrity is constantly being questioned. Individuals who take on these behaviors tend to question actions, thoughts, feelings, or intentions of the other individual even if things seem to be going well.


In relationship situations, constant suspicion tends to be the underlying current of energy. As a result, the relationship can feel smothering, needy, controlling, and obsessive.


My Personal Experience: Several years ago in one of my former marriages my husband would want to know where I was, what I was doing, right down to controlling my daily activities. It was easy to for this him to manipulate me due to my own insecurities and lack of self worth. The truth is, he never had power over me. It was I that gave my power away. After a difficult situation erupted, I finally stepped into courage. While 8 months pregnant, and with a 5 year old and 3 year old at my side, I left the relationship and went into the temporary refuge of a woman's' shelter. Little did I know that it was just the beginning of a series of painful relationships yet to follow.


Thankfully, now I am my own navigator now with a personal guidance system that leads me every step of the way. I don't always see the next step, yet, I act in faith, trusting that I am on my way to knowing the deeper parts of myself. The light within me, shines a new path that keeps expanding toward new horizons. I see a horizon filled with beautiful souls just like me, and just like you. What do you see as you take your daily steps toward you?



2. Codependent Sign - Stagnancy/ No Growth: You, the other person, or both engaged in the relationship, feel frustrated with the lack of growth and natural flow within the relationship. Secretly, individuals experiencing this yearn for change, yet they lack the confidence to get there. The relationship feels stagnant, with the same behavior patterns appearing day after day, with little change, and very few moments of connecting on intimate levels, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.


In relationship situations, feelings of unfulfillment and disconnection tend to be the underlying current of energy. As a result, the relationship can feel riddled with frustration, resentment, and anger.


My Personal Experience: In one of my earlier relationships, I felt stunted emotionally, often avoiding interactions with large groups of people, due to low self esteem and confidence. I was socially stunted, awkwardly shy, and the poster child for inadequacy. At the time I lacked the confidence to make choices that would lead me in a new direction, yet in time, this lack of change became very uncomfortable. I began to have growing pains, which would no longer allow me to remain small. At the age of 22, while raising two young children, and while in an unhealthy marriage, I made the scary decision to go to college and specialize in Early Childhood Education. Perhaps that timely decision was perfect for my own inner child who had somehow lost her way in life.


Back then, every single day felt scary to me, yet something deep inside of me said, "I was meant to be more than the limiting thoughts I had about myself." We all have room to grow, so go for it! Your opportunity knock's on the doors of your heart right now.



3. Codependent Sign - Fear of Loss/Clingy: You, the other person, or both engaged in the relationship, tend to feel anxious or fearful at the thought of losing the other person to someone else, sudden death, or some unforeseen event. Individuals fear moving beyond the limiting experiences of what they are familiar with, yet intuition says, this relationship is anything but stable. Such situations can often derive from early childhood trauma.


In relationship situations, feelings of fear, anxiousness, and nervous anticipation tend to be the underlying current of energy. As a result, the relationship can feel fearful, uncertain, unstable, and unpredictable.


My Personal Experience: In my childhood I was very clingy. Somewhere inside of me, I had never really felt safe in the big, wide open space we call, the world. At the age of five I got lost in the store and as a result, trauma was imprinted upon my subconscious mind. Later in my teenage years, the trauma continued to follow me without even realizing it. At the age of 16, I remember going out shopping with my mom. I was terrified to let her out of my sight. I clung to her side, positioning myself about a foot away from her as we walked together through the mall. Thankfully, at that time she did me a huge favor. She said, "Leslie, I'm going to leave you for one hour and in one hour I will meet you right here." Now, here's a situation where most kids would welcome the idea of being free from their parents in a mall, yet, I was absolutely terrified.


The feelings of getting lost or left behind followed me well into adulthood, and into my various relationships, that is until I decided to find myself again. How will you find yourself right now? It begins with you and the desire to do so.



4. Codependent Sign - Fear of Rejection: You, the other person, or both engaged in the relationship, tend to teeter with unstable emotions due to fear of rejection or abandonment. The individual or individuals tend to over compensate by appeasing or bowing down to the demands of the relationship; often placing their own needs on the back burner.


In relationship situations, feelings of extreme insecurity, low self worth, guilt, shame, and uncertainty tend to be the underlying energy present. As a result, the relationship can feel suppressive, controlling, and manipulative.


My Personal Experience: There was a time as a young adult that I experinced lack of knowing my own personal identity. I would step into people pleasing to gain acceptance, approval, or some sense of anything that felt like love. I would go overboard to the point of exhaustion, compromising my own time. Even going back as far as childhood, we are conditioned to people please. With one situation in particular, my dad was building a brick house. It was the job of my siblings and I, to carry the countless mountain of brinks to my dad. We carried them, back and forth, for what seemed like forever, with my siblings begging every few minutes to go play. Finally, we were all given the green light to freedom. My siblings scurried off in seconds, as I continued to carry the bricks. Part of me didn't want my dad to be alone, yet the other part begged for connection and some sense of belonging. I sacrificed play, for fear of rejection.


Thankfully, now, I prefer play over the acceptance or approval of anyone. Self love heals. The healing of self love is present for you too. Feel it and believe it . . . for in the grand scheme of things you are exactly what you are looking for.



5. Codependent Sign - Burying of Self: You, the other person, or both engaged in the relationship, tend to bury yourself within the wants, needs, or demands of the other person. The individual or individuals constantly cater to the other, with one thing after another, while trying desperately to seek some sense of acceptance, love, or approval. If by chance the catering individual ever does something nice or nurturing for themselves, they are often left with feelings of guilt, shame, or feelings of being selfish or self absorbed. They feel undeserving and often unworthy.


In relationship situations, acts of emotional desperation based on feelings of unworthiness tend to be the underlying energy present. As a result, the relationship can feel exhausting, with a never ending list of things to do.


My Personal Experience: In my earlier years, even though my former marriages were superiorly epic in the very definition of dysfunction, I was a very dedicated, single mom of four beautiful children. I did my best to spend quality time with them, often engaged in doing what caring moms do; playing, laughing, singing, learning and growing together. Being financially strapped, and quite poor, almost every spare penny would go toward providing for my children. As I write this and think back, I remember one day when I received a little extra money as a birthday gift. With this streak of luck, an unusually strange notion came over me. I thought that perhaps I could buy myself something, after all it had been well over five years since I had purchased anything for myself. I went out and purchased a new blouse. As I tried it on in the store, somehow, I felt good in it. When I arrived home and took the blouse out of the bag, I felt a sudden, sharp shift in my feelings. Suddenly a heavy blanket of guilt weighed me down. The feelings of being unworthy and underserving wouldn't allow me to receive something good for myself. Sadly, I took the blouse back to the store, with the guilt still hovering over me.


Thankfully today, after much inner healing and remembering my divine worth, I receive all good things with gratitude in my heart. I AM infinitely worthy . . . and so are you. What beautiful gifts are you ready to receive today?



6. Codependent Sign - Controlling Behavior: You, the other person, or or both engaged in the relationship, tend to control the other through verbal threats, physical violence, through emotional/mental manipulation, or through the control of finances. The relationship is built upon a foundation of force and control, often meaning someone always loses, and harmonious compromise is seldom experinced between the parties.


In relationship situations, failure, emotional incompetence, and feelings of being the weaker partner tend to be the underlying energy present. As a result, the relationship can feel like a constant battle of wills. One always loses.


My Personal Experience: In the past I often placed myself in situations where I compromised my own power, allowing others to control personal decisions and the direction of my life. My lack of confidence had me asking others what they thought about things that had to do with me, and nothing to do with them. I based my decisions on the convenient advice given, simply adopting the opinions of another. My marriages were riddled with control, because I had no sense of control over myself or my own destiny. I was so severely buried in low self worth and the inability to make decisions, that in my first marriage, every day I would ask my husband what I should wear. Seriously! Who was that girl anyway? Obviously she didn't know. Not knowing lead to giving others more and more control over her life, while also giving her power away.


Thankfully, today, I own my power through personal responsibility and accountability. I feel incredibly fortunate to support others in coming to knowing their power as well. We've got the power!



7. Codependent Sign - Making Excuses: You, the other person, or both engaged in the relationship, tend to make excuses for the others' behavior even though it is unhealthy, unstable, and unpredictable. The individual secretly tells themselves that things will get better when this happens or that happens, or things will get better if they only do this or that. They openly defend the other person when outsiders confront them about the warning signs in the relationship, even though internally, they know otherwise.


In relationship situations, defensiveness, denial, and a stubborn sense of determination tend to be the underlying energy present. As a result, the relationship can feel like endless confrontations, internally, and externally.


My Personal Experience: Often times when life strikes, we tell ourselves it's going to get better to compensate for the feelings of loss or hopelessness. We try desperately to somehow fix what appears to be broken. When I was 13, a pivotal moment in my life occurred. I had two brothers who were severely burned in a fire, to which thankfully they survived. They had built a makeshift houseboat on a raft and spent the night with a kerosene lantern for lighting. In a freak accident, the lantern exploded while trying to light it in the wee early morning hours. Our families lives were forever changed in that moment. As a young girl, I felt helpless, hopeless, and guilty because I was suppose to be there with them, yet they assured me the night before, "No Leslie, you can spend tomorrow night with us. This night is for the boys."


Something like that follows you until you are willing to go deeper into it, until you burn away the portions of you that aren't even real. Spiritually, it's called the refiners fire, the part that calls you to rise up from the ashes of forgetfulness and into the light of remembering. The denial of pain is real, until you are ready to heal. Deny yourself no more!



8. Codependent Sign - Victim/Martyr: You, the other person, or both engaged in the relationship, take on the role of victim or martyr depending on who you are interacting with. As a victim, individuals make themselves small in hopes to gain sympathy and support from others, making themselves appear powerless over the situation. As a martyr, individuals try to make themselves look in control of the situation by appearing to serve the greater good of the relationship, yet inside they feel quite resentful of the other person.


In relationship situations, feelings of repressed resentment, anger, and bitterness, tend to be the underlying energy present. As a result, the relationship can feel shameful, belittling, and deeply regretful.


My Personal Experience: In my own life I played a superior role of victim and martyr as I struggled through the resistance of truly knowing myself. While in the women's shelter, their ultimate goal to be accomplished in a short period of time, was to get you on your feet, to empower you, and to send you on your way in hopes that you would not return to the dysfunction that brought you there to begin with. Still in emotional pieces, I went back once, hoping my marriage would get better. Feeling reassured, I stepped into the new role of playing a strong and victorious martyr. I fooled myself into thinking that I could save him and me at the same time. Shortly after I got pregnant with my third child, and while still carrying him in my womb, I left the relationship for good. In that moment, I also left portions of my battered self behind, vowing to do better next time, and the next time, and the next time. There's always going to be a next time, for dysfunction, so I learned.


All these moments of pain, gave way for the invitation to move through the birthing process of myself. It is easy to birth a child, yet to step onto a path of birthing yourself is all together another thing. We are all birthing ourselves into greater and greater consciousness. I see us whole, healed, and free to be the very best versions that divine love can create and unveil.



9. Codependent Sign - Avoidance: You, the other person, or both engaged in the relationship, tend to avoid conflict by avoiding conversations, pretending everything is okay, making light of things, sweeping things under the rug, or suffering alone in silence. Individuals tend to walk around with nervousness and anxiety, often tiptoeing around situations for fear of upsetting the other person. The individual may compromise their own feelings, and agree to things that are not in alignment with their own inner feelings. The individual may avoid asking questions, forming opinions, and be overly agreeable to appease the other.


In relationship situations, feelings of being invisible, taking the back seat, and not being heard tend to be the underlying energy present. As a result, the relationship can feel like one person is invisible, having no voice.


My Personal Experience: As children we often learn by observing our parents behavior. If emotions revolving around situations are repressed, we learn to repress them ourselves. Even as a young child I was playing out the energy of repression, through my actions. For instance, it was my job to sweep the kitchen floor. I did a great job meticulously sweeping the unwarted crumbs that found their way to the floor, the scattered dirt brought in from outside, the playful cat hair and various other things that found their way toward the sweeping of the broom. The pile would build and then, I would carefully and meticulously sweep the pile under an oval rug placed on the center of the kitchen floor. As a child, such an action felt highly convenient. No one would ever know. Over time, the piles of dirt eventually migrated and found their way along the edges of the carpet. Of course, as luck would have it, my mom was the first to witness the epic fail to hide the dirt. What I didn't realize as a child, was I was playing out what I understood as normal. I buried things and forgot about them. Over time, as I grew older, I became an expert at sweeping the dirt under the carpet of life.


Thankfully, I now have the courage to put myself out there, facing things that can sometimes feel uncomfortable, yet celebrating the fact that I am being true to myself, by owning my voice and every other part of me. Being real is the cool deal in this story. Owning your life and living it like you really mean it is what matters. When you own your life, no one owns you! Now own it!